Divorce and Children’s Emotional Health, Part 2

Posted on August 1, 2014

Last week, we looked at a study investigating the different approaches required by different ages as they go through divorce. This week we have two more studies, again focusing on ways to support children emotionally during and after divorce.

Jennifer MacIntosh, of La Trobe University in Australia, studied the effects of divorce on children under the age of 5. Focusing on the immense amount of brain growth during the first three years of life, she explains that the “complexity of the brain’s development depends on the nature and quality of care the infant receives.” In short, the development of the child’s emotional intelligence is harmed by conflict (both acute and chronic) between the parents and repeated separation from a caregiver. MacIntosh found that, for young children, more important than the quantity of time spent with the nonresident parent was “warm, lively, attuned caregiving interactions.” Attuned interactions don’t have to be complicated, planned outings; they can be simply loving moments.

Finally, JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, founder of Children of Divorce Intervention Program, writes that parents, while dealing with their own strong emotions, need to be more aware than usual of their children’s emotions. She includes an important point in her research: very often, “children talk very little about their parents’ divorce and their own complex feelings surrounding it.” Parents can help “them learn to identify and name their feelings [which] calms the amygdala, increases activity in the prefrontal cortex, and helps children develop neural pathways for managing strong emotion, problem solving, rational thinking and judgment.” Dealing with the Feeling not only helps in the moment, it gives children the tools to deal effectively with future emotional stress. Pedro-Carroll also emphasizes the importance of parents as examples of managing emotions effectively. Continued anger and strife between parents makes it difficult to create a supportive, loving co-parenting plan. In this vein, she writes that parents need to “make it a priority to find healthy ways to manage and reduce stress and take care of themselves so they can parent in the best way possible.”
A divorce is an incredibly disruptive event to a child, no matter the age. Staying in touch with, paying attention to, and helping them work through their feelings is critical in making this difficult transition easier for children.