Divorce and Children’s Emotional Health, Part 1

Posted on July 25, 2014

Earlier this week, we linked to a Huffington Post article summarizing three studies dealing with how divorce affects children and the best ways for parents to continue nurturing their children as their family changes. This week and next, we’ll take a longer look at this important research. All of the studies focus on supporting the child’s emotional health and development.

The first study, by Marsha Kline Pruett from the Smith College School for Social Work, focused on developing age appropriate plans for children in divorced households. Recognizing that different ages have different needs and abilities is critical in developing care plans that work for each specific situation. The recommendations for younger children are not the same as those for older children.

Babies and Preschoolers

Pruett found that children under three “need frequent contact with both parents, as their sense of time and memory is limited, as is their capacity to remember an absent parent.” Support from both parents “help the child develop internal regulation and skills related to autonomy and exploration.” Consistency and routines allow the child to feel secure and develop strong attachments to both parents.

School Age Children

For school age children, who are “especially prone to taking sides and experiencing loyalty conflicts”, it is “important that parents maintain civility, so that children feel secure in relationships with both parents, and schedule consistency so children can feel secure in making plans with their peers.” As the children develop their own social life and independence, they need to know that they have a home base they can return to.

Teenagers

Finally, for adolescents, Pruett writes that they “often choose to move more fluidly between houses than other age groups”, which can actually be beneficial for them, assuming both parents are aware of their social and academic activities. For all ages, the key to successful co-parenting after divorce is a plan which “enables both parents to feel and act engaged and responsible” and emphasizes consistency for young children and allows flexibility as the children grow older.

The idea that there is not a one size fits all solution is an important one. Understanding and responding to the unique needs of your child and family situation requires more work, but is ultimately more effective.
Come back next week as we explore more research dedicated to serving children’s emotional needs in divorced families.