The Guiding Light of GUILT

Posted on October 24, 2016

As most parents do, I often struggled with guilt while in the day-to-day of raising my children. Did the deed justify the extent of the grounding or was I just tired? Did I scream too loud while overreacting to a silly sibling crib fest? Why did I wait for a D- on a report card to address my child’s struggle with chemistry? Whatever the reason for the guilt, I realized that it was always accompanied by doubt about whether I was a good parent or whether I was spending most of my time in busy-ness doing things instead of paying attention to signs that I should not have missed.

Luckily, I came to realize early on that beating myself up over it didn’t help anyone: me, my kids, or my family environment. But what really did help during the down times was looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself that I am doing my best, in spite of my outbursts. Reminding myself that I am a good parent truly made me a better parent, one that knew how to recover from guilt and doubt (most of the time and as best as I could). Forgiving myself also made it faster and easier from me to apologize to my kids, when I messed up. The bonus: there was never a time when my kids didn’t accept my apology. There was never a time when they didn’t hug me and say,”That’s okay, Mom. I love you.” All kids love like that; yours and mine; it’s in their beautiful nature.

Guilt can guide us to that light of love, but only if we allow it; only if WE take that first step toward letting it go.

You are a great parent and you are doing your best. Bravo!