Noise In My Head…

Posted on May 18, 2012

                                             ~ WAITING AMPLIFIES NOISE… ~

I knew this and yet…

It was only 10:30 a.m. when I received a voicemail from my son’s school. Mrs. “L” said, “Roma, please stop by my office at 2:30, I’d like to speak with you for a few minutes about an incident that occurred this morning. It’s not an emergency and it’s not serious. I’m sorry but I’m unavailable to speak for the rest of the day. I’ll see you soon.”

Yes… the wait begins and the noise amplifies… the noise in my head, that is. For me, the noise is always in the form of Q&A! Noisy Me (the anxious inner voice) does the questioning and Calm Me (the inner voice of reason) does the answering:

Q- What did he do? Is he okay?

A- She said it wasn’t an emergency. I’m sure he’s fine.

Q- Wonder what he did… again! The last time was only 6 months ago!

A- He’s 9… twice in 6 months is not so bad. She said it wasn’t serious.

I listen to the message again. I voluntarily crank up the noise.

Q- If it’s not serious, why would it take 30 minutes? (Pick up time is 3pm)

A- Chill. It’s all good. Take a deep breath.

Q- If she’s not available until 2:30 why would she call me at 10:30? To torture me??

A- No, so you could plan to leave work early.

Q- I don’t need to “plan” when it’s an emergency!

A- Repeat… It’s not an emergency.

Anyway, I try to get another 15 minutes of work done before my business lunch meeting with a colleague/friend. Her first words, “Hey, what’s up? Are you okay?” Here I go again… like I needed a live person to share the noise with! Maybe if I gave the noise a voice, it would make me feel better… NOT! I was exhausted by 2:00 p.m. when I left for school. I arrived at school a whole 15 minutes ahead of time. The wait begins, again.

Q- Should I just walk in early?

A- Maybe not…she said she was busy until 2:30.

Q- I still have 15 minutes… UGH!

A- Chill. It’s all good. Take a deep breath.

Q-  Breathe! Seriously???? Okay fine. Maybe just for a minute.

I allowed it… for a minute. As I gave myself permission to take a deep breath, I immediately felt my heart rate slow down and my head started to clear. Instinctively, I reached in my wallet for my quote card that I had written myself… for times like this, perhaps.

Q- Where is the rest of that “noise” quote? I need it…

A- Here it is: “WAITING AMPLIFIES NOISE,

                      DEEP BREATHING WHILE WAITING QUIETENS IT.”  

                      It’s all good. Take a deep breath. 

I took another deep breath with my eyes closed this time, and Calm Me took over. My entire body felt relaxed. I still had 5 minutes. I decided to revisit the voicemail, almost as if I was testing myself.  Here are the words I noted this time:

“STOP” by my office… for a “FEW” minutes – not plan to stay here for an hour.

“INCIDENT” that occured – not an accident or disaster.

“NOT an emergency”… “NOT serious” – Thank God!

SIGH! I smiled and almost laughed at myself, at my day and at my reactions… as I walked in calmly.

Three months later…

I got another such message from school. This time, I pulled out my “quiet” quote card first. Life is going to happen… When it gets noisy, breathe in the quiet.

There is even an iPhone and Android app, Breathe2Relax, that can easily be used by children for just this purpose – helping them slow down, breathe deeply, and relax.