New Year’s ‘Resolution’ or ‘Evolution’?

Posted on January 5, 2014

As we sat around the fireplace on January 1st, my young adult children started up a conversation about New Year’s resolutions. 

My son, Navin, age 22, started out with his resolutions and my husband joined in. Before I could get a word in, my 25-year-old daughter, Nitasha, said something that totally silenced all of us!

“I’m not really going to do the “resolution” thing this year. I’m going to commit to an “evolution.”

We all listened with ears and eyes wide open.

“I want to commit to something that makes me evolve as a person; something that makes me a better person. My ‘evolution’ is to try to be comment-less when I get the urge to pass a negative or snide comment. For example, when Amy was talking smack about a common friend, over a holiday situation this past weekend, I held back on passing any comments even though I totally agreed with what she was saying.”

My daughter explained that filler words like “Oh,” and “Uh huh,” and “I see,” felt more natural than staying silent, but also helped Amy feel like she had a listening ear and a calming presence in Nitasha. 

Quite a brilliant communication habit, don’t you think? Staying on neutral ground or practicing to choose to be “comment-less” really helps keep the volume of emotions in check, which, in the long run, helps both the talker and the listener. It helps us respond instead of react and definitely keeps from adding fuel to the fire. Evolution at its best, for sure!

I’ve dedicated a whole section on this effective communication habit (being RESPONSE-able (responsible) in my upcoming parenting book, due to hit the store shelves this September. I offer tools that help parents respond instead of react and scientific information on how that helps us build lasting communication habits with our children. 

Make your own New Year’s ‘evolution’ this year and encourage your children to do the same. What a great TOG to start the year off with!

Happy New Year, friends!