Lost and Found

Posted on May 31, 2013

Emily’s kids were three and five years old. She had spent the last few years busy, busy, busy: pregnancies, child births, diapers, sleepless nights, temper tantrums, managing her household, dinner times, and kids’ activities. Her five-year-old had started kindergarten last September and her three-year-old had just entered preschool. For Mother’s Day, her husband gifted her a gym membership, a place that she loved to visit before she had her kids. Emily dropped off her kids at school and with a big smile on her face, headed to the gym. Some six years after having kids, she was finally going to be able to have some time dedicated to herself! How exciting!

As she made her way to her first Zumba class, Emily couldn’t contain her excitement. She bumped into an old friend and could not help but share her feelings.

“I’m so happy to be here today! Its been six years. I can’t wait to take Zumba! I used to love to dance.”

As she headed to her class, a weighing scale caught her attention. Here’s another thing she hadn’t seen in six years! She stood on the scale and her mouth dropped taking her smile with it.

“I can’t believe this. I’m up 15 pounds since I last weighed myself,” she thought silently. She gathered up her courage, picked up the pieces of her, what seemed like a broken heart, and walked into class. She went through the rest of her day with a heavy heart.

“How did I let myself go? Why did I not realize this earlier? Heck, 15 pounds! Now thats a baby and a half still on me!” But as most of us Moms do, she marched along into the rest of her day, doing what needed to be done, with her smile nowhere to be found.

That evening when the kids were in bed, she sat with her husband to watch some TV, ready to call it a day. Her thoughts were still on the scale that spoke what seemed like the truth. The minute her husband asked her how her first day back at the gym was, a barrage of tears made their way despite her best efforts to hold them back. As we all know, emotions have a way of bypassing logic and reason.

“I’m so fat,” she said as she cried her eyes out. “Did you even notice it? Why didn’t you say something to me? I feel like I’ve lost the person that I used to be, which was always fit and firm. Now I’m fat and flabby. I hate it. I’m so mad at myself,” she cried some more.

“Come here, my beautiful,” said her husband as he lovingly put his arms around her. “No, I didn’t notice it. Even if I had, I probably would not have said anything because I love you regardless. You might feel like you’ve let yourself go, but look at what we’ve gained in the last few years. We have two beautiful, healthy children, a new home, and we are financially secure. And it’s all because of YOU. If it weren’t for your patience, love, and support, none of this would have been possible. How could I have done this by myself?”

She slept that night feeling a little better but still a little sad. The next morning, she opened her email to find a note from the old friend that she had bumped into at the gym the previous day:

Hi Emily,

Great seeing you yesterday. How was Zumba? I couldn’t help but notice how happy you looked. Gosh, when my kids were that little, I always felt and looked so tired and worn out. And there you were, radiant and glowing! What’s your secret?

Anyway, I didn’t have the courage to tell you this yesterday but three years ago, Brian and I got divorced. I was tired of our daily fights and it started to affect our children. I felt that I would be better off raising them myself than being with a man who took every shot he got to bruise our self confidence, kids included. It hasn’t been easy, but I feel like I’ve found myself again. I’m happier and so are the kids. So there, I said it!

Would love to have coffee sometime, maybe after the gym next week?

Love to the family,

Catherine

It didn’t take Emily more than a moment to put her own feelings in perspective. As she sat there feeling Catherine’s sadness in her words, she noticed her own dissipate. “What am I complaining about?” she thought to herself. A moment later, her five-year-old walked into the room and off she went; on with her daily morning routine.

After she dropped her kids off to school, she headed to the gym. As she parked her car, she pulled out her mobile phone and wrote this to her husband;

Good Morning, Kevin.

Twenty-four hours ago, I felt like I had lost myself in the last six years. Little did I realize what I’ve found. In you, I have found a true friendship; one that has grown deeper than when I first found it. In my children, I have found a new me; a me that has grown stronger, more patient and more resilient, than I had ever imagined. Most of all, in and through my family, I have found unconditional love and support; one that lifts me through my busy days and my ups and downs. You’re right. I haven’t lost myself, I’ve just grown up and found a lot more.

I love you and thank you for being you!

Yours,

Emily

It’s true. We only lose something to have found something else and it’s usually something bigger and better!