Followthrough Blues? Go from GUILTY to GUILT-FREE:

Posted on October 23, 2013

As my kids are getting older, I feel like I’m getting more and more inconsistent with following through on groundings. At least once a month, I’m either forgetting or overriding my own command due to some pressing school or sports activity or event. I feel so guilty. Am I sending the wrong message to my kids?

Dear Busy Mom,

As kids get older, parents get busier — this is a fact. When you are moving at the speed of light, it is challenging to remember everything, especially since groundings are not something most parents put on their to-do list, or their calendars, or have reminder alerts for! So I totally understand where you’re coming from because you are not alone. EVERY parent has done that! It is impossible to stay on task with EVERYTHING in this ever-changing and ever-evolving world of parenting. Every minute, you are changing, your kids are growing, and situations are evolving. That’s just how life is designed: to move forward.

Now if you were doing this once a week, we would have a whole other issue to discuss and yes, it would be much more likely that you would be sending the wrong message to the kids. I like to go with the guidelines that if you are following through 75% of the time, you’re fine and so are your kids.

That being said, I applaud you for your efforts in reaching out. When you put guilt in perspective, you make room for growth which helps you to evolve as a better parent.

So let me help you spin that guilt into some valuable learning lessons for your kids:

When you do forget or override your own grounding, make sure you have a quick discussion with your child about it. Honesty is the best policy. Let them know that you had a busy day and that you are sorry that you forgot or had to override it due to whatever reason. Tell them that you will let it go this time, but do discuss with them what the purpose of this grounding was so that you reinforce the lesson thats needed to be learned. They will surely respect you for it. If you think that they are going to forget, you’re kidding yourself and setting yourself up for failure. If they are old enough to understand the logic behind groundings, trust me, they will remember (even if they pretend that they don’t!).

As you adjust, be okay with it yourself, and follow the steps of discussing it with them. You will have taught your kids by example, and with that there are many hidden lessons:

1. Open mindedness: adjusting to change even though we might not like it.

2. Emotional intelligence: dealing with the feeling of guilt by addressing it and putting it in perspective.

3. Communication: discuss the issue with them so that they can put it in perspective.

4. Strength of character: apologizing.

5. Respect, trust and confidence: when you stand behind your own word, by justifying honestly why you didn’t follow through, you exemplify consistency and follow-through which strengthens respect, trust, and confidence between parent and child.

So be nice to yourself. Instead of wasting your much needed energy and valuable time on feeling guilty, tell yourself, “It’s all good,” take the necessary steps, and go from GUILTY to GUILT FREE, which most definitely ups the family happiness index and helps you Raise Kids to Be Happy, Think Positive and Do Good!