Dr. Shefali and Mindfulness

Posted on September 19, 2014

We talk a lot about being mindful and how that translates to being a mindful parent. But what exactly does that look like on a day to day basis? Is it possible to constantly be mindful?

Our dear friend Dr. Shefali answered this question on her Facebook page:

I answer: “First, take away all illusions that I am able to be mindful all day long. I am just like you. I lose it all the time. The only difference perhaps is that I have a firm and clear path back from the chaos into stillness. I have paved that road well and my errant mind knows its way back to awareness well. This journey back becomes faster each day. So the task before us is not so much to focus on “not losing it” but instead, on paving the path back to awareness.”

“So how do we pave this path?” I am asked.

“The first step is to remove all delusions of narcissistic grandeur that you are beneath falling off the wagon. Once you take away the stigma of falling off, then you can be brutally honest with yourself when you do. This requires brutal self-inspection. No corners to hide.”

“How can I start this in the moment?”

“When is the last time you were able to look in the mirror and admit to yourself: “I was not being kind to my child?” We may feel ashamed to admit this little realizing that it is in this admission that we break ground and pave the path for greater kindness, greater awareness and greater freedom for our children. There is not a day that doesn’t pass that I say to myself, “you were not being compassionate, Shefali, you didn’t have to speak in that tone, or you were being dogmatic Shefali, you didn’t have to be so harsh, so controlling, so rigid, so inexpressive of your love.” I constantly speak to myself all day long – not in a self-shaming way, but in a way a Zen master might whack his student monks into alertness and greater vigilance. I “whack” my deviant mind all day long. Whack, whack, whack – with love, with compassion and with non judgment – but a whack nonetheless. This is how I bring myself into alignment daily and raise my consciousness towards a higher plane.”

“So I must start speaking to myself?”

“Yes, but the words need to be of your enlightened self. A self that doesn’t get stuck when you are unconscious and shame and guilt you but instead understands that this is normal. The self then nudges us gently back to awareness.”

Our lessons:

1. We will make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. The key is to recognize those mistakes and begin “paving the path back to awareness”.
2. Understand that making mistakes is not worth shame and guilt. Admitting the mistakes opens “the path for greater kindness, greater awareness and greater freedom for our children.”
3. Allow your enlightened self to speak to you and nudge you “gently back to awareness.”

No wonder we are such big fans of Dr. Shefali’s work! Please follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and watch her on Oprah’s Lifeclass on OWNTV Sunday, Sept. 21st and Sept. 28th at 9pm EST!

The most valuable lesson you can teach your children…