Are Our Kids “WORTH IT?”

Posted on August 11, 2015

A friend of mine who was having some issues with her teenager told me recently, “I’m so tired of this parenting thing. Your kids are older. Tell me, is it even worth it?”

“Worth what?” I cleverly engaged.

“Worth the hassle! Don’t they eventually just end up moving on and leading their own lives and doing their own thing?” she asked.

“They do, for sure. Didn’t we?” I replied.

“Yeah, we did,”  she admitted.

“Were we ‘worth the hassle?’” I challenged.

We both started laughing. “Yes we are!”

Almost instantaneously, we started reminiscing on what brats we were and how we challenged our parents in our teenage years and other pivotal times. The point is, I ask myself what it is that my parents did for me that makes me feel and say confidently, ” I AM worth it.”

On the flip side, my other dear friend had a very challenging upbringing. She now does whatever she can do to be the best parent she can be and gives her kids what she didn’t get growing up. She does exactly the same thing I do to make our kids feel self worth.

We all lie somewhere on this spectrum. And let’s face it, we know that our child’s self worth will show in their behavior much BEFORE they will ever ask us, “Mommy, am I worth it?”

Psychologists say that one’s self worth is often based on what we believe the most important people in our lives think of us. In the case of children, it is parents who contribute to their self worth. Interestingly enough, for adults, parents still primarily play a role and then it’s their spouse, children, friends, extended family, and community. Since parents have the most profound effect on a child’s life early on and in adulthood, it is our responsibility to make sure we add value to their lives.

To the best of our abilities, how can we add worth or value to their lives? Can we give them the confidence to believe in themselves, to value their own lives, to respect themselves, and to be open to growth? Yes, we can. By simply practicing these three simple TOGs:

1. LOVE them from your heart unconditionally, even when they make mistakes. Know the difference between who they are and what they did.
2. PATIENCE – it’s all about LISTENING. Listen with your heart and not just your ears. Read in between the lines and help them break down their thoughts and feelings when they are upset.
3. RESPECT them from your heart. Accept and honor their thoughts and feelings; good or bad, right or wrong. Keep in mind that they are thinking from their own perspective, which is based on their own understanding at the growth phase that they are in. In other words, a 13-year-old will behave like a teenager and not an adult.
4. AND SPEAK KINDLY – Kindness is a virtue of the heart. If you’re holding the love, patience, and respect in your heart while addressing an issue, speaking kindly will follow naturally. I promise you that! My mentor, Wayne Dyer, says, “Practice being kind, especially when you’re right.”

Most importantly, if you have had a hard day yourself, take a breath and chill first. If you’ve had an outburst, allow it. Know that we all make mistakes. If you think you’re worth it, you will be able to add value to your child’s self worth.

We don’t need research to assure us that parents who are loving, patient, respectful, and speak to their children kindly will Raise Kids to Be Happy, Think Positive, and Do Good!