Abolish Rules?

Posted on April 18, 2014

As part of a study conducted by Auckland University of Technology, a school in New Zealand abolished rules for safety and behavior on the playground! The outcome was both informative and controversial: Bullying and serious injuries decreased and children were actually able to concentrate better during class. The principal of the elementary school said, “The kids were motivated, busy and engaged. In my experience, the time children get into trouble is when they are not busy, motivated and engaged.”

Dr. Shefali Tsabary, psychologist and author of Out of Control and The Conscious Parent, advocates that without artificially imposed consequences such as time outs, we can “allow the natural consequences of their actions — not enforced “discipline” — to be the teacher.” By taking risks and experiencing the natural fall out from their actions–whether that’s a skinned knee or a playmate that no longer wants to play together–the child’s ability to calculate future risks develops.

Importantly, Dr. Tsabary also writes that there is an emotional component to removing artificially imposed discipline. She teaches that “From a child’s point of view, rules and the punishments that go with them — often arbitrarily imposed without any input from the child — is bullying on the part of the parent.” What a revelation! Frequent punishments not only teach the child that might makes right, but it also makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to communicate effectively and to develop a long-lasting, emotionally supportive relationship with our children.

This school’s experience might very well redefine our current practices on discipline. Can overdisciplining our children actually make our kids more “out of control”? What do you think? We would love to hear your thoughts about it on Facebook and Twitter!